You might ask, why the hell is she starting up a blog if she failed so many times before? Well, ye of little faith, I think I have the secret.
I'm going to be myself.
I know that concept was installed, like a professional version of Photoshop, into some bloggers' minds at birth, but I was not so lucky. For some reason, I thought internet fame would skyrocket my confidence and make me accept myself. I now know you can't have a truly good blog with that mindset.
I also followed a lot of famous bloggers, to get tips on how to become an internet celebrity like them. I might have hated their personalities, tastes, and writing style... but they were FAMOUS, goddamn it! They were doing something right!
Maybe fame occurs by osmosis, I thought, and maybe that means if I comment enough on "fashion-this" or "style-that", I can also become famous! I might have told myself this in the beginning, but it became apparent that I was really just a measly comment in a sea of comments on their sulky photos, saying "omg cute shoes" and "you're so pretty and awesome ahhh!"
I stayed in this excitement of a brand new blog, until I unfailingly became cynical, wondering if I could live that way for years, a disciple of pale, skinny girls in Jeffery Campbells. I wondered why I felt so embarrassed, taking pictures of myself with my self-timer, posing like the internet glamazons in my thrift-store/mall clothing, obviously getting no attention. I wondered why.
It was because I was a clone. I thought myself original and earth-shattering, when in reality everything I posted went through my "cool-filter", where I subconsciously sorted it by asking myself, "Will posting this make me look cool?", "Will people like this?", "Will this contribute well to my image?"
I completely missed the point of owning a blog, I didn't have the thrill of expressing myself because I WASN'T expressing myself. I was expressing these other girls, who were in turn expressing other girls, who were expressing the fantasies in a fashion designer's head.
I wasn't getting the point of blogging, and it was depressing to feel so confused about something that I should already know. Blog about things I actually like? How do I do that? No one will read it!
Often I waited until I lost every semblance of originality I had and felt like a blogging zombie until I finally quit, to little fanfare.
But this blog is different. I will only follow people I truly admire, not because they're models, but because I truly enjoy reading/looking at the content of their blogs.
I will be honest with myself. I'll share things with you that I like, no matter if it's "cool" or not. For every image-whore, there's gotta be a beautiful nerd out there who will appreciate my music/film/fashion rantings. And if you do, let me know so I can appreciate your rantings, too!
I'm still going to share "what-I'm-wearing-today" kind of posts, but I'm going to post them because I feel good about my outfit that day, not because other people will think I look good. Fashion and dressing up is still something I love, but it's not all I will post about anymore. I think having a blog based purely on fashion makes it too tempting for me to go back to old ways. Besides, it's not all I love.
There will be a lot of posts about music and movies, two things that I'm completely in love with. It's also where I'm thinking of focusing my career (you'll probably hear about this later, no doubt).
Through this blog, I hope you'll get to know me and I'll get to know you. Please show me that I'm not disillusioned, that blogging can still be a positive experience.
Even though I'm well aware I won't have a lot of followers to begin with, I'm excited to hear from you.